Comfortable Silence

Silently lying

Toe to toe, your

Ankle cradled in

My concave arch

Right knee 

Resting upon the peak of

My curvy hip

Palm pressed

On the crest of

My back

Fingers nestled 

In the valley of

My waist 

Warm exhale 

Softly tickling 

My elongated neck

Rhythmic inhale

Whispering me

To sleep 

As you 

Melt into me

Sorrow.

Mourning the passing of an icon, like many I saturated my senses with all things #Bowie. Went to bed with still a bit of sadness, but rested. Today, as Pandora woke me with Life on Mars there it was - the weight of a broken heart. There is a thing about loss which allows us to relate to one another on a deeper level. I'd venture to say more so than love or success, which we all measure and assimilate differently. But loss is loss. Grief is grief. The loss of a loved one strips you to the bone and rocks you to the core. Ever attended a funeral for a colleague, a distant relative, been there for a friend who lost a loved one, not necessarily someone close to you - yet sitting there, paying respects with an emptiness, filled only with the weight pulling from to the back of your throat, through your chest, into the pit of your stomach, tears well up in your eyes, thoughts flow of a loved one you've lost? That is the weight of a broken heart. Though you ache for the family and friends of the departed, you can't help but remember your own sense of loss. We who mourn the Rock God have his music to comfort us. Today I think of the man and the family who knew him as such and loved him the way we love our own. I thought of my brother. Immediately, The Doors (whom he loved) played and I felt the urge to say: make peace with anyone you have strayed from, especially family. The only thing harder than losing a loved one, is losing them when the relationship is strained. This was the case when my brother passed. We were barely beginning to speak after an argument and it was hi/bye/how's it going... It took me years to forgive myself for not making amends - but really how would I have known he'd be gone in the blink of an eye at such a young age? It took me years to not feel guilty, but even now as I type, I choke up. If I knew then what I know now - I would have put my pride aside, taken him up on the previous offers to climb up on the roof of our parent's home, share a blunt, listen to tunes and stare at the stars. Let bygones be. Make peace with loved ones. Made amends. Don't let time pass. When we least expect those we love are gone. Death: "It's only forever... Not long at all."

⚡️

Sitting in the same spot

My bedroom floor

Just a few days ago

Celebrated the life, the genius

Reveled in the magic, new music

Today, listening to the span

Overwhelmed with emotion

Heart torn, mind blown

To the sky - Starman returns

fénix

Didn't need a knight in shining armor,

 not a damsel in distress.

Wasn't on the market to be financed,

 I pick up my own checks.

Didn't require tough love,

 nurtured in a balanced loving home -

 reminded daily of my worth in gold.

With all bases covered,

 didn't need a savior, but an equal.

Mistaken fragments, pieces,

 thought they were my own.

Assumed my wings were broken,

 as you're accustomed to.

I was what you didn't know you needed

 a mirror, catalyst -

For unraveling your truth.

The light, smile in your eyes,

 the love, devotion, butterflies -

 all real, never lies.

It was true love at first sight -

 one that stood the test of time.

Just not meant to forever last -

 it's ok miss, remember, embrace it.

May it's light heal your heart and soul

 as it did mine. 

Love and Light

Stepped into warm waters

Hide away welled up tears

Wash away the day's troubles

A time out, pause, reflect

Thoughts replayed back to 

Conversations of days past

Realizing these sorrows, fears

Minuscule in comparison 

There are never words found

Deep enough for a loss so profound

One cannot say "I feel your pain"

Insensitive to say "I can relate"

While we all have loved and lost

Have dreams fall apart

Felt a rug pulled under feet

A life envisioned turned bleak

There are never words

One can say to ease the pain

Drown out the loud silence

Fill the void, the darkness

Of all deepest condolences

Thoughts, prayers bestowed 

But three words resonate

 - Love To You.

Photo Credit: S.Rebeles @rebelesoteric.com

I wrote this piece on 11/11 for a friend who lost his spouse earlier this year. Re-reading it after the events last week, sharing it felt right.

For the City of Light, for Beirut, for Baghdad, for Syria, for all who have lost a loved one, their home, their country, their liberty... 

The more love and light we send, the less darkness there will be.

El Dia de Mi Partida

No temo la muerte, la respeto 

Es por ella que 

La vida apreció

No sé cuando 

Ni cómo me encuentre

En ese día,

De mi despedida

Entre lágrimas saladas 

Dulce compañía, tequila

Sones, ofrendas 

Copal, cempasúchitl

Bailare en las mentes

Cantaré en los corazones

De mis seres queridos

Entre los recuerdos 

Eterna vida será mía

Brother.

I'd be lying if I said,

I thought of you every single day.

After all, it's been 17 years,

Since you went away.

At first, it was incredibly hard.

At times, I'd walk though the door,

Bite my tongue, on the verge of 

Asking where you were.

For myself I can say,

The pain has passed.

Just as you would've liked,

Life has gone on.

Every now and again,

I catch myself wondering

What you'd be like?
What you'd think of modern life?

Of all which has transpired?

Smashing's 1979 came on,

Makes me think of you.

Coincidentally, the year of your birth.

I wonder if you'd be into the same scene.

Hendrix, The Doors, Soda Estereo,

Writing poems, riding bikes, smoking blunts?

Would you have outgrown them all?

Would you be married with kids,

All serious and tied down?

I bet you'd still be young at heart.

One thing I know for sure,

You'd be crazy about my girls.

I do wonder if now unlike then,

We'd made amends, be on speaking terms?

Would you be proud of your big sis?

Or still question my life decisions?

I like to think you'd be impressed.

Not my title and career, to you

These would be insignificant.

You'd be glad I finally realized,

You were right about what's his face.

I like to think you'd agree

I turned out alright,

Significantly more chill

Than what you'd perceived.

Much older and wiser,

Surely we'd let bygones be.

Agree to disagree, heck

We might've turned out to be 

- Best buddies.

Bittersweet, life turns out to be.

Gone in an eye's blink.

Though you left with no regrets,

As the good tend to.

Year after year, 

We in the fish bowl -

Wish you were here.